Communication can be difficult for a shy or anxious person. They don't have the skills to communicate or interact effectively. Communicating, making friends and becoming likeable is a skill that anybody can develop. It takes time to become good at any skill. I have mentioned the different aspects of good communication in this post, start on one at a time and master it.
While those aspects of communication are important, the best way to become liked is to focus on others, show a real interest, be caring and make them feel special.
People with social anxiety are overly focussed on what IMPRESSION they are making, they are focussed on themselves. However, it is better to get lost in the interaction and do what you do in your own family, be yourself.
You have a God-given voice but you can work to improve it. Be aware of the tone, speed, volume and the emotional expression of your voice. Do try and model the voice features of people who impress you.
♦ Use the person's name, a great way of creating a better bond
♦ Listen carefully to what the person is saying, show this by paraphrasing and follow on questions.
♦ Ask questions, people love to talk about themselves.
♦ Relate open-heartedly, don't be closed off, tightly bottled up as if they are a threat.
♦ Be happy for the other person's success. Don't pass it off and change the subject.
♦ Be cheerful and humorous, don't take yourself too seriously.
♦ Be empathetic, show that you have some idea of what it is like to walk in their shoes.
♦ Compliment them as appropriate, you can win hearts with compliments.
♦ Don't be critical of others, you are just showing yourself in a bad light as a critical person.
♦ Ensure that your comments show that you have integrity and that you are trustworthy.
Mirroring is one of the most useful NLP techniques there are. If someone is very good at mirroring, it is very difficult to dislike them. It is a skill that you can get much better by practising.
Remember that people tend to like people who are like themselves. The state of rapport is something that occurs quite naturally on a regular basis during our communication, without any conscious effort on our part.
Thus by matching and mirroring the physiology and tonality of the person we are communicating with we can make ourselves most like them, and thus generate rapport, without their becoming consciously aware of the process.
Here are a few suggestions:-
Are they leaning in a particular direction?
Is their head tilted?
Are their legs or arms crossed?
Are their feet together or apart?
Do they gesture with their hands in a particular way?
Do they gesture with nods of the head or another body part
Are the gestures large/small/exaggerated/restricted?
Are their gestures toward a particular person or thing?
Do they use gestures to assist in describing?
What are their facial expressions, including blink rate?
Rate - is it fast and shallow or slow and deep?
Pattern - is it regular or irregular?
1, Tone, inflection, speech rate, volume, etc
2. Sensory predicates. Does the person use words like “see” or “feel” or “hear”? For instance, if the person uses “seeing” words then the person's dominant way of connecting with the world is visual and you should communicate with visual terms - “I see what you mean”.
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